Do - Do Do – Do Do – Do Di Dah…
Never mind the Wrath of Khan you should be really worried by the Pappa Latte ‘Wear and Tear’ on buggies. I like to walk and prefer to buggy push to places where at all possible because of course I’m a control freak and despite what everyone says I don’t find german travellers on bus or train ‘Kinderfreundlich’. I appear to lack the light delicate touch of an earth mother and the inevitable mechanical wear and fatigue ensues. Buggy 1 was retired when there was no rubber left on the wheels after daily circuits of Greenwich Park in London (some admittedly jogging slowly). Buggy 2 went to the rest home after it was clear that both the main metal struts were about to shear. Jogging Buggy 3 (inherited from our predecessors) decided to take it easy after one of the main struts did indeed shear (I know that I am a trained engineer but I never got the hang of welding so didn’t feel up to attempting the repair). Buggy 4 has no tread left on the wheels and the buggy equivalent of fallen arches with the front wheels. Ok so I am perhaps physically not their main customer demographic but something doesn’t quite add up – is there built in obsolescence to ensure repeat purchase??
You may have sensed I’m a bit grumpy – normally this is alleviated by topping up my listening whilst pushing away. Audiobooks, podcasts mainly – good ones can take you mentally somewhere else but you need to keep your toddler ninja reflexes ticking over for the discarded sock/shoe/wellie/book/drink bottle to avoid backtracking and as long as you stay in the zone these can be swept up with balletic grace without breaking stride. Ok balletic grace and me in the same sentence – a bit of a stretch – but remember daddy pig can dive, play the drums and is a champion puddle jumper so give me the benefit. One corollary of this approach is that certain locations are now strongly associated with certain listening events. A playground on Maria-Louisen Strasse echoes with the 100 Year Old man and his adventures in China. A certain part of the path by the Alster lake where I listened (aptly) to the film review which focused on a woman who had intimate relations with a fish. Innocentia Park is the history of Mathematics. Just by the concert arena in the Stadtpark takes me to deep-space in the Culture novels of Ian Banks. Ok we are not talking Proust and madelaines here but it adds a further texture to the landscape. But back in grumpy mode people seem to think that as I am pushing a buggy I must know my way around and often stop to ask directions. I wear big headphones (I have a big head). They are clearly not earmuffs. Then why oh why do people start asking me things when I clearly can’t hear them until I take the headphones off ???? And one day some builders stopped me to demand what I was listening to when I went past each day – wish I’d told them I was listening to daddy porn just to see their faces – but instead had to explain to one what an audiobook was. You drink coffee I drink tea my dear, I like my toast done on both sides – it is easy to feel like an alien in Germany but the voices in my head help to keep me sane/strange/upright/not decapititating pavement cyclists (delete as appropriate)
