Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man

I seem to be having a bit of a tecchie few weeks – feeding my inner nerd.  I have been listening to classic 1950’s science fiction (Asimov, Heinlen, Bradbury etc) and signed up for an online computing course.  The technology has changed a bit since my last attempts in this area: which were Fortran programmes on the mainframe of Nottingham University saved on 5.25” floppy discs in ca 19hundredandalongtimeago.  Now I can even wrestle with the Python code used on the course on my iphone!

Has Papa Latte gone fully digital and embraced the virtual world – well not entirely – just making sure I can keep pace with Junior (not yet 2 but a very keep ipadder) for as long as possible!

Identity in a virtual world can of course be manipulated for not always constructive ends, and having spent the last few weeks being the digital doorman for those wanting entry to the hedonistic, trend-setting, celebrity rich coolest club in town - that is the Hamburg Mothers Meeting Facebook group (of course) - this has become much more evident to me.  But hold on a minute I hear you cry – you are yourself an interloper a man in a mothers group?? – Readers I can only put this down to the benevolence of Madame President Lou who has given me exceptional dispensation to be considered a honorary woman (no surgery or hormone treatment required) whist I am within the state of Hamburg.  Plus I would point out that I did fess up in advance about my embarrassing maleness.

Those trying to Phish there way into the group are not so straightforward – but fortunately mostly relatively amateur.  Choosing a profile picture that looks like a cross between Angela Merkel and Hilary Clinton doesn’t immediately say mother of littlie, and membership of 5 random, unconnected and indiscriminate Facebook groups but having no friends speaks of an unusual approach to social life that is unlikely to result in procreation.  The dodgy ones are obvious as are the genuine, but there are always those who totter around in the corridor of uncertainty.  These totterers normally collapse under a barrage of detailed forensic questioning – example ‘when did you move to Hamburg’.  The Phishers from China are the funniest: profile pictures of buxom scantily clad young ladies, and sex=male!

So if you are approached by someone whose gender claims are questionable take care– it could of course be innocuous – me (in my honorary capacity) or a dedicated Kinks fan on a night out.

Ok fair enough – even with world class hair, make up and prostethics: I’m unlikely to pass for a lady even in poor light, but then as the surprising futurist Ray Davies anticipating the internet in 1970 put it:

‘Well I'm not the worlds most masculine man

But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man

And so is Lola’