Prologue

'Papa Latte' first emerged from the 21st century on earth when a localised infection of Scandinavian progressiveness reversed traditional gender roles amongst the bipeds - one of the first mentions of this comes from the chronicles of the grauniad although these are now widely discounted as a reliable source due to the strange habits of the chroniclers to hug trees resulting in inhaling sap which temporarily rendered them incapable of rational thought. The 'Papa Latte' sect spread slowly but surely with whispered mantras of 'paternal bonding', 'emotional intelligence', 'quality time' and 'cake baking'. Over time a uniform developed of chinos, casual shirt, man bag with baby sling permanently attached accompanying designer stubble and a perpetually bemused and tired look. A dialect started to develop focusing on the quality of kindergartens, napping routines, Gutscheins, availability of size 23 wellingtons, and the hidden messages secreted in episodes of Peppa Pig - this rendered their speech virtually unintelligible to any sentient beings nearby. Their spread was fiercely resisted by the Hoch Deutsch (slightly related to the Vulcans) who questioned what might happen to their designer white jeans and Ray Bans if exposed for more than a few seconds to a toddler with a beaker full of juice and chocolatey fingers - but even these proud guardians of the way of the Porsche could not turn back the P-L tide which spread slowly over them. It appeared that apart from a small holdout of 'Macho Men' in the countries bordering the Med that complete dominance of the 'Pappa Latte' would be complete - until one man, combining the rugged good looks of Jabba the Hut, with the interpersonal sensitivity of Darth Vader, and the intelligence of Jar Jar Binks, managed to infiltrate the 'Papa Latte', learn their secrets, and now leads the resistance. That person is that last hope of Manity, Sanity, Profanity and Urbanity. As he continues to carry out his perilous mission he must retain his anonymity (just like Batman, Superman etc) - we shall just call him Dr. Buggy - close friends get to call him DB! And these are his adventures in the most fearful of places in the known galaxy - yes prepare to enter the Toddler Zone Der di dah dah,Der di dah dah..........