Reading the Code

It is important that those of us leading the resistance to the scourge of the Pappa Latte, can recognize each other so that the network can build and grow stronger. The elements that distinguish the resistance must however not be too obvious or we would be spotted and surrounded by helpful grooming advice, babycare books and home made brownies. Given that you are reading this you can be trusted to be sympathetic to the cause and so I feel able to share but remember – burn this blog immediately after reading it! Ten Ways to Spot a Fellow Resistance Member 1. They will always have an orange stain of uncertain origin somewhere about their clothing. 2. They will always leave the house without one key toddler item (babywipes, spare nappy, drink…..). 3. If exposed to the sun extensively they will ensure that their legs are a completely different colour to their arms. 4. They will sing snatches of random 1970s pop lyrics at their child when they should be engaging them with a sound developmental book. 5. They will add details to the game of naming everyday items in their toddlers lives – i.e. ‘yes that is an airplane – let me just explain to you the aerodynamics of wings and lift’. 6. Their child will be dressed in at least one item of clothing bought at a jumble sale/flohmarkt. 7. They will not have a hairstyle under any circumstances. 8. They will expose their child regularly to BBC radio 4 and insist that they learn to pronounce Melvyn Bragg properly. 9. They will encourage their child to expand their palette – Fries dipped in a McFlurry – num num num. 10. They will ensure that their pushchair is covered by a light covering of mixed detritus of croissant crumbs and cheese fragments at all times. I have not done the stats but experience suggests with at least 4-5 of these signs in place you can be pretty sure that he is one of us. In order to be sure you need to see him being approached by a female friend – if he is incapable of executing one of those demi-hug double air-kiss greetings and tries to turn it into a handshake – you can be sure he is ok. Need to yomp off to Kindergarten now so this is Dr Buggy powering down the pangalactic thought enhancer and saying Live Long and Nanu Nanu.