We now possess almost as many Peppa Pig DVDs, as we do of Star Trek, Dr Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Babylon 5 etc. etc. Inevitably I believe Peppa will end up on the big screen after being ‘Hollywooded’ up to suit the Sci-Fi/Action/Fantasy audience. They will try to keep the essential core which as far as I can see is that the following must be included:
1. Daddy Pig explains something from the adult world following a question from Peppa
2. Daddy Pigs says he is a bit of an expert in something which turns out not to be true
3. Peppa quarrels with Susie Sheep
4. George says ‘Dinosaur!’ a lot
5. Peppa is a bossy little madam
6. There is some random counting to boost the educational content
7. Miss Rabbit turns up in another of her innumerable jobs that she holds down simultaneously (surely proof of the multiverse!)
8. Mummy Pig turns out to be amazingly resourceful
9. A random new character is introduced
10. Pedro Pony is late/loses something/gets injured/says Ye-Ha….
It might go something like this:
Scene: Peppa family watching the Mr Potato TV Show Mr Potato - ‘and remember to eat vegetables and exercise, especially you Daddy Pig’
TV image goes fuzzy then switches to Charles Camel in the Newsroom
Charles Camel – ‘ We interrupt this programme to bring you breaking news about a worrying Rent in the Space/Time continuum that appeared near the supermarket this morning’
Peppa (with quizzical look on face) – ‘Daddy what is a Rent in the Space/Time Continnymum’
Daddy Pig – ‘Luckily Peppa I’m a bit of an expert in temporal mechanics’
Mummy Pig (looking concerned) – ‘Daddy Pig remember what happened when you last played with your tachyons – it took us ages to get our timelines straightened out’
Daddy Pig (dismissively) –‘that was just a temporary blip’ (continuing authoritatively) – ‘Peppa – a Rent in the Space/Time continuum is a device used by Science Fiction writers to put improbable characters and creatures together for dramatic effect – it never really happens’
Peppa Pig (still looking concerned and not to be fobbed off) – ‘then why did the newsreader say worrying?!’
Daddy Pig (slightly condescendingly)– ‘They just try to make things sound more important – as Grandad Pig always says “the chances of anything coming from Mars are a million-to-one”’
Music – Da Da DAA – Dah Dah Dum! – Da Dah Dum!
Peppa Pig – ‘Mummy does that mean its alright to go to the playground then?”
George – ‘Playgrou! Playgrou!’
Mummy Pig – ‘Yes Peppa of course you can go, but Daddy Pig will have to take you as today is my day for the Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service, and here is Mrs Sheep to pick me up’
Mummy pig jumps into Mrs Sheep’s car
Mummy Pig- ‘See you later’
Daddy, Peppa and George jump into their car and drive to the playground
Peppa – ‘Daddy why is the road so bumpy today?’
Daddy Pig – “I’m not sure Peppa it’s as if the ground is shaking with the footsteps of giant creatures’
Music – Da Da DAA – Dah Dah Dum! – Da Dah Dum!
Daddy, Peppa and George arrive at the playground and Peppa is greeted by Susie Sheep with a strange looking new arrival in the playground
Susie Sheep (triumphantly) – ‘Hello Peppa, this is my new best friend his name is Kaplak and he is a Klingon’
Peppa (indignantly ignoring Kaplak) – ‘But I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND!’
Susie Sheep (check-matingly) – ‘You were - but all I get is potatoes and juice at your house and Kaplak has his own barrel of blood wine and he lets me play with his bahtlet’
Before the argument can continue the sky darkens ominously
Peppa – ‘Daddy why has the sky gone dark?’
Daddy Pig – ‘It’s nothing to worry about its probably and eclipse. An eclipse is when….. Oh’
Daddy Pig stops mid sentence and looks very worried and get out his mobile phone and dials the Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service.
Interior of Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service – the Emergency RED phone rings urgently. Miss Rabbit answers the phone.
Daddy Pig – ‘Spider!’
Miss Rabbit – ‘Daddy Pig, we have told you time and time again this phone is only for emergencies, and not for when you can’t deal with a spider in the bath!’
Daddy Pig- ‘No Spiders- Giant Spiders- 50metres tall!’
Mummy Pig embarrassed and overhearing and grabbing the phone from Miss Rabbit
Mummy Pig – “DADDY PIG – have you been smoking your herbal cigarettes from Grandpa’s special greenhouse again?’
Daddy Pig – ‘No really Mummy Pig – Giant Spiders attacking the playground!’
Mummy Pig (taking authority and swinging into action) – ‘Don’t worry Daddy Pig no-one messes with our playground’
Mummy Pig (to Miss Rabbit) – ‘Ok it’s a White Swan emergency – you know what to do’
Miss Rabbit (channelling Arnie) – ‘Sure do and the boys are ready to rumble’
Mummy Pig (to the other Mummys) – ‘Ok ladies lets tool up and lock and load’
The Mummys go to the emergency armoury and equip with big show offy type space guns (think Sigourney Weaver in Alien)
Cut to Playground – the giant spiders are laying waste to the playground facilities – chaos ensues – however Peppa stands her ground defiantly.
Peppa (staring into the jaws of a salivating giant spider) – ‘You are just a naughty spider who has eaten too many pies why don’t you just leave our playground alone’
Just as the spider prepares to bite into Peppa, Kaplak leaps between them brandishing his bahtlet.
Kaplak – ‘Peppa has spirit for a pig, but you spider are a creature without honour’
And with one swift blow he lops off the head of the spider and with a second slices open it’s abdomen and warm spider entrails splash onto the ground. Despite Kaplak’s intervention the spiders keep coming……
Cut to the Mummy’s Emergency Fire service engine rushing to the scene.
Mummy Pig (as they crest the hill and sight the playground) – ‘ Ok Mummys – It’s time to kick some mutant spider ass’
The Mummys leap of the engine, commando rolling and firing – bits of spider start exploding and flying off (gotta justify the CGI budget), but a sort of stalemate ensues and the spider’s superior numbers mean they will probably prevail.
Mummy Pig (sweating, bloody and breathless) – ‘I’m almost out of ammo’
Mummy Cat – ‘Me too’
Mummy Sheep – ‘Me too, what the @&*$! Is that?’
Music – Big bass drum heavy regular slow beats Cut to George
George (wide eyed) – ‘DINOSAUR, DINOSAUR, DINOSAUR!’
Peppa (big sisterly) – ‘George always says Dinosaur’
Daddy Pig (with a big smile) – ‘But this time he’s right – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 a whole dinosaur army HOORAY’
Cut to a group of T-Rex’s coming over the hill to the rescue, the lead one ridden by Miss Rabbit and Pedro Pony.
Pedro Pony – ‘Ye Ha’
Miss Rabbit – ‘Ok my beauties its time for a little snack’
Voice Over: ‘Miss Rabbit along with all her other jobs is in charge of the Special Eemrgency T-Rex assault group (an innovative response to years of defence spending cuts enabled by an earlier Rent in the Space/Time Continuum)’
The T-Rex army rips into the spider army and soon the playground/battlefield is quiet and strewn with the remains of the mutant Martian spider army.
Mummy Pig (high fiving Miss Rabbit) – ‘Those interplanetary web spinners will think again about messing with the Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service’
Peppa (surveying the rubble, and destroyed playground, and remains of dead giant spiders) – ‘But the playground is all broken, we have nothing left to play with’
Kaplak – ‘There is an ancient Klingon proverb that says there is no greater pleasure than jumping up and down in the entrails of ones defeated enemies’
All jump up and down in the puddles of spider entrails and then lie on their backs laughing
Voiceover: ‘Everyone likes jumping up and down in the entrails of ones defeated enemies!’
End Credits
1. Daddy Pig explains something from the adult world following a question from Peppa
2. Daddy Pigs says he is a bit of an expert in something which turns out not to be true
3. Peppa quarrels with Susie Sheep
4. George says ‘Dinosaur!’ a lot
5. Peppa is a bossy little madam
6. There is some random counting to boost the educational content
7. Miss Rabbit turns up in another of her innumerable jobs that she holds down simultaneously (surely proof of the multiverse!)
8. Mummy Pig turns out to be amazingly resourceful
9. A random new character is introduced
10. Pedro Pony is late/loses something/gets injured/says Ye-Ha….
It might go something like this:
Scene: Peppa family watching the Mr Potato TV Show Mr Potato - ‘and remember to eat vegetables and exercise, especially you Daddy Pig’
TV image goes fuzzy then switches to Charles Camel in the Newsroom
Charles Camel – ‘ We interrupt this programme to bring you breaking news about a worrying Rent in the Space/Time continuum that appeared near the supermarket this morning’
Peppa (with quizzical look on face) – ‘Daddy what is a Rent in the Space/Time Continnymum’
Daddy Pig – ‘Luckily Peppa I’m a bit of an expert in temporal mechanics’
Mummy Pig (looking concerned) – ‘Daddy Pig remember what happened when you last played with your tachyons – it took us ages to get our timelines straightened out’
Daddy Pig (dismissively) –‘that was just a temporary blip’ (continuing authoritatively) – ‘Peppa – a Rent in the Space/Time continuum is a device used by Science Fiction writers to put improbable characters and creatures together for dramatic effect – it never really happens’
Peppa Pig (still looking concerned and not to be fobbed off) – ‘then why did the newsreader say worrying?!’
Daddy Pig (slightly condescendingly)– ‘They just try to make things sound more important – as Grandad Pig always says “the chances of anything coming from Mars are a million-to-one”’
Music – Da Da DAA – Dah Dah Dum! – Da Dah Dum!
Peppa Pig – ‘Mummy does that mean its alright to go to the playground then?”
George – ‘Playgrou! Playgrou!’
Mummy Pig – ‘Yes Peppa of course you can go, but Daddy Pig will have to take you as today is my day for the Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service, and here is Mrs Sheep to pick me up’
Mummy pig jumps into Mrs Sheep’s car
Mummy Pig- ‘See you later’
Daddy, Peppa and George jump into their car and drive to the playground
Peppa – ‘Daddy why is the road so bumpy today?’
Daddy Pig – “I’m not sure Peppa it’s as if the ground is shaking with the footsteps of giant creatures’
Music – Da Da DAA – Dah Dah Dum! – Da Dah Dum!
Daddy, Peppa and George arrive at the playground and Peppa is greeted by Susie Sheep with a strange looking new arrival in the playground
Susie Sheep (triumphantly) – ‘Hello Peppa, this is my new best friend his name is Kaplak and he is a Klingon’
Peppa (indignantly ignoring Kaplak) – ‘But I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND!’
Susie Sheep (check-matingly) – ‘You were - but all I get is potatoes and juice at your house and Kaplak has his own barrel of blood wine and he lets me play with his bahtlet’
Before the argument can continue the sky darkens ominously
Peppa – ‘Daddy why has the sky gone dark?’
Daddy Pig – ‘It’s nothing to worry about its probably and eclipse. An eclipse is when….. Oh’
Daddy Pig stops mid sentence and looks very worried and get out his mobile phone and dials the Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service.
Interior of Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service – the Emergency RED phone rings urgently. Miss Rabbit answers the phone.
Daddy Pig – ‘Spider!’
Miss Rabbit – ‘Daddy Pig, we have told you time and time again this phone is only for emergencies, and not for when you can’t deal with a spider in the bath!’
Daddy Pig- ‘No Spiders- Giant Spiders- 50metres tall!’
Mummy Pig embarrassed and overhearing and grabbing the phone from Miss Rabbit
Mummy Pig – “DADDY PIG – have you been smoking your herbal cigarettes from Grandpa’s special greenhouse again?’
Daddy Pig – ‘No really Mummy Pig – Giant Spiders attacking the playground!’
Mummy Pig (taking authority and swinging into action) – ‘Don’t worry Daddy Pig no-one messes with our playground’
Mummy Pig (to Miss Rabbit) – ‘Ok it’s a White Swan emergency – you know what to do’
Miss Rabbit (channelling Arnie) – ‘Sure do and the boys are ready to rumble’
Mummy Pig (to the other Mummys) – ‘Ok ladies lets tool up and lock and load’
The Mummys go to the emergency armoury and equip with big show offy type space guns (think Sigourney Weaver in Alien)
Cut to Playground – the giant spiders are laying waste to the playground facilities – chaos ensues – however Peppa stands her ground defiantly.
Peppa (staring into the jaws of a salivating giant spider) – ‘You are just a naughty spider who has eaten too many pies why don’t you just leave our playground alone’
Just as the spider prepares to bite into Peppa, Kaplak leaps between them brandishing his bahtlet.
Kaplak – ‘Peppa has spirit for a pig, but you spider are a creature without honour’
And with one swift blow he lops off the head of the spider and with a second slices open it’s abdomen and warm spider entrails splash onto the ground. Despite Kaplak’s intervention the spiders keep coming……
Cut to the Mummy’s Emergency Fire service engine rushing to the scene.
Mummy Pig (as they crest the hill and sight the playground) – ‘ Ok Mummys – It’s time to kick some mutant spider ass’
The Mummys leap of the engine, commando rolling and firing – bits of spider start exploding and flying off (gotta justify the CGI budget), but a sort of stalemate ensues and the spider’s superior numbers mean they will probably prevail.
Mummy Pig (sweating, bloody and breathless) – ‘I’m almost out of ammo’
Mummy Cat – ‘Me too’
Mummy Sheep – ‘Me too, what the @&*$! Is that?’
Music – Big bass drum heavy regular slow beats Cut to George
George (wide eyed) – ‘DINOSAUR, DINOSAUR, DINOSAUR!’
Peppa (big sisterly) – ‘George always says Dinosaur’
Daddy Pig (with a big smile) – ‘But this time he’s right – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 a whole dinosaur army HOORAY’
Cut to a group of T-Rex’s coming over the hill to the rescue, the lead one ridden by Miss Rabbit and Pedro Pony.
Pedro Pony – ‘Ye Ha’
Miss Rabbit – ‘Ok my beauties its time for a little snack’
Voice Over: ‘Miss Rabbit along with all her other jobs is in charge of the Special Eemrgency T-Rex assault group (an innovative response to years of defence spending cuts enabled by an earlier Rent in the Space/Time Continuum)’
The T-Rex army rips into the spider army and soon the playground/battlefield is quiet and strewn with the remains of the mutant Martian spider army.
Mummy Pig (high fiving Miss Rabbit) – ‘Those interplanetary web spinners will think again about messing with the Mummy’s Emergency Fire Service’
Peppa (surveying the rubble, and destroyed playground, and remains of dead giant spiders) – ‘But the playground is all broken, we have nothing left to play with’
Kaplak – ‘There is an ancient Klingon proverb that says there is no greater pleasure than jumping up and down in the entrails of ones defeated enemies’
All jump up and down in the puddles of spider entrails and then lie on their backs laughing
Voiceover: ‘Everyone likes jumping up and down in the entrails of ones defeated enemies!’
End Credits
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